I. Hate. Waiting.

 

I will openly admit it:  I am very impatient.  Now, when I say that I am very impatient, that means, I am very impatient.  I like getting things done right away.  It's funny because I have been organizing getting shirts for my fellow coworkers, and there's 78 of us total.  I had to send out a mass email to see who all was interested in getting a shirt.  I had everything organized, and I will tell you, I am proud of my Excel sheet that I have.  Anyway, people were slowly responding.  It's reminds me of RSVP cards for weddings: You set a deadline when people need to RSVP, but people still don't RSVP by the deadline, and you have to go call those people to get a response.  Yea, I hated doing that for my own wedding. So, here I am, getting frustrated because I need to know answers to get an estimate for the t-shirt costs.

But just look at the before statement.  Sense the tone of it?  Sense the selfishness of it?  I, frustrated, I, need.  Starting to get a better picture here?  It's back to instant gratification for me.  Ugh.  And I do get frustrated with myself because it does affect those around me, especially to whom I love.

I pray for patience all of the time, but God never seems to grant it...

Oh, wait, yes, He does.  He does it by giving us situations to learn what we pray for.  He has been doing a pretty good job of that lately.  I've been struggling lately with the idea of being alone for the holidays.  I no longer have that significant other to be by my side and with our families.  I have found myself crying in the shower because I start to think about it.  (How pathetic is that??)  I don't have the mindset that I need a guy to be happy, but it's always the holidays that can make a girl feel like crap when she doesn't, especially when she is the only one in the room that doesn't have her SO by her side.

I know God is trying to work in me.  I know He is, but I hate how slow the process is.  I cry every time I read this, but I know it's true.  God is telling me to keep waiting on Him, and He is going to do something awesome in my life.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."