Forgive Infinitely.

Wounds can fester into infections if left untreated. That's exactly how unforgiveness works. Whatever was done to us pierced our skin, but if we keep prying it open and looking at the wound, it won't be able to heal; instead, because it is continually exposed to the dirty air, it becomes infected. That infection in the spiritual realm is welcoming to unclean spirits, which fester the wound even more. If something isn't done, the person ends up facing demonic harassment and torture, and becomes a very bitter and unhappy person.

But there are times when we feel that a person doesn't deserve our forgiveness.  "They don't realize what they've even done to me!  They don't deserve anything, much less than my forgiveness!" They certainly don't deserve your forgiveness, much less God's, but none of us deserve what Jesus did for us either.  The Bible, in my opinion, is very black and white in this area:  Forgive others, just as God has forgiven you.  I don't think it can get any clearer than that.  In fact, Christ even told Peter to forgive, "seventy-seven times."  Now, He wasn't saying to keep track of how many times you forgive a person.  It is synonymous of God's eternal forgiveness.  There is no limit to forgiveness.

And I can hear the questions already coming up, and trust me, I've been dealing with them myself.

WHAT ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SAYS, “I CAN FORGIVE BUT I CAN’T FORGET?”

Almost all of us have experienced the problem of forgiving someone the best way we know how and then discovering that angry thoughts still fill our minds.
In pondering this problem, my mind ran to a scripture in the Book of Hebrews which speaks of God’s forgiveness of our sins. Surely if we have trouble forgetting, what about God who never forgets anything? Hebrew 10:17 quotes God as saying, “Their sins and their lawless acts I will remember no more.” Underline that last phrase, “I will remember no more.” God’s forgiveness means He chooses not to remember our sins.

That’s helpful, isn’t it? Forgiveness is a choice we make. It is not a feeling or a mood or a passing notion. Forgiveness does not mean we somehow wipe out of our mind the record of what happened. Forgiveness means we choose not to remember it. That is, there is a big difference between remembering something and dwelling on it. Indeed, we can all remember (if we try hard enough) things in the past that have hurt us deeply. Forgiveness means we choose not to dwell on those things. It also means we choose not to hold a grudge against someone who has wronged us.

So in that sense, to forgive means to choose to forget. And in precisely that sense, if we choose to dwell upon the hurts of the past and if we choose to let the past dominate the present so that all of our relationships are negatively colored by what has happened in the past, then we have not forgiven in a biblical sense.

WHAT IF YOU DO IF THE OTHER PERSON WILL NOT ADMIT HE WAS WRONG?

Again, this is a troubling, difficult problem. Writing on this very passage over 400 years ago, John Calvin said there are two kinds of forgiveness.
The first is the kind where the person who did the wrong admits it, comes to you asking forgiveness, you grant it and the relationship is restored. That’s the best kind. That’s the ideal. There is confession, forgiveness, reconciliation and healing.

Unfortunately, in this fallen world the ideal is not always possible. Sometimes people who have wronged us will not admit their guilt no matter what we do. In fact, sometimes they will lie to cover up the truth. Sometimes they will cut off the relationship rather than face the hard work of reconciliation. Sometimes they will keep right on hurting us on purpose.

How can you forgive in a situation like that? Calvin said you can forgive even in that situation in the sense that you let go of the rope of anger and bitterness and refuse to let the hurt dominate your own life. True, the relationship remains broken. It may never be healed. But you can choose not to remember the sins of others. You can choose to wipe the slate clean so that your life is free from bitterness.

That’s not easy but it’s far better than living in the past nursing a wounded spirit. It’s also biblical for in this we have the example of Jesus himself who, when he hung on the cross, an innocent man put to death for crimes he did not commit, prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”


So, what's my point?

You forgive infinitely.

I Don't Believe in Happily Ever Afters

Almost every child who has heard a fairytale has heard of the final phrase, "And they lived happily ever after."  Little girls love this phrase.  They want to believe in the unicorns, the pixie dust, the rainbows of the "happily ever after," part of the relationship.

...Until they grow up to see the ugliness of the relationship, too.  See, I don't believe in, "happily ever after."  I don't believe in unicorns, pixie dust, and rainbows of a relationship.  I believe in hard work, pain, growth, tears, arguments, miscommunication, humility, honesty, and apologies.  You are going to fight with your spouse.  You are going to be mad.  You are going to have miscommunication.  It is just a matter of how to handle it.  Are you going to yell, stomp your feet, and act like a three year old with a temper tantrum?  Or are you going to be calm, rational, and open to what your spouse has to say, and how they feel?  And then, are you going to apologize? 

This picture pretty much sums it up.  IF I were to believe in, "happily ever after," this would be it.