I Feel Morbid

The last 48 hours haven't been the greatest lately.  I've driven on icy roads, which includes doing a complete 360 on the road, and somehow, not going in to a ditch.  I've also been sick with a stomach flu, and that hasn't been fun.  So, now that I've thrown my small pity party, I'm going to go in to what has inspired me the most to write tonight.

I've been talking to a friend and he had a relative pass away.  My heart broke for him when he told me the news.  It made me think about my grandmother passing three years ago.  (Side note:  Where I work, her cemetery is right next to the building.  Slightly creepy.)  I think about how much I miss her.  I think about all of the lives that she has touched throughout her life here on Earth.  As I was also talking to my friend tonight, though it was more like arguing, I also thought about the choices that we have left here. 

Ok, so how does this all tie in together?  Well, I often think about my own funeral.  I think about who would actually show up to pay their respects.  I think about what would be said about me.  I think about the lives that I have touched, or maybe, the ones that I should reach out more to.  Going back to my grandmother, she had so many people from the nursing home come in for the viewing, and it made me proud to be her granddaughter, and to be the one named after her.  And then I think to myself, Am I able to touch as many lives as she had?  The answer?  Yes.  We have a choice every day to touch someone's life.  We have a choice every day to make someone smile.  We have a choice every day to show someone that they are cared for, that they are loved, that they are wanted.  It is a choice.  I am sick of hearing all of these excuses why we don't do this for one another.  Either, we're too busy, or we don't like this person, or what's in it for me?  There shouldn't have to be a reason to extend this grace and love towards others. 

So, what is your choice?

KISS

It has been one heck of a week for me. 

Let's start off with my personal life first.  I ended things with E.  There are a lot of things that went on between us that we realized that things were not going to work out between the two of us. (Note: What I am about to talk about isn't a bash against him, but it does go along with the road to self destruction...I mean, discovery.  HA!)  If there is one thing that I am grateful for when it came to my divorce, it was that I learned real quick on that I need to be a better communicator, especially with how I am feeling and what I need.  Well, heck, you can even thank the first guy I was with for that, too.  But my point?  I know what I want and need in a relationship, and unfortunately, E wasn't able to give me this.  He really is a great guy, but I am realizing more and more what I want and need for my future.  I am happy where I am, and a guy would only add to it, but not be my reason for happiness.

I have also been in training for the last week.  I am back home, and I will say, I am quite proud of what I have accomplished.  There are days that I have felt like I don't know what I am doing at my job, but this week has proven me wrong.  I had to take a few tests, and I hate tests anyways.  I get anxious.  I start to stress.  Then, I tend to psych myself out and not do so well.  Well, this week has shown that I can overcome that.  Someone gave me some great advice.  She told me to KISS:  Keep it simple, sweetie!  I have been so focused on being perfect that I have forgotten that all I need to do is to do my best, and that will be perfect. 

So, here is to a lot of KISSing over the next few months.  I am so proud of what I have accomplished this past week, both in my personal life and professional life.  I look forward to what is to come!

It's Over!!!!

I made it through all of the holidays and my birthday in one piece!

Hallelujah!

It was quite a challenge, especially on New Year's Eve, but I made it through.  There was one point in the night that I did start to feel sorry for myself, and that was at midnight when everyone was loving on each other and I really didn't have someone at my side.  But that's OK.  I knew it was going to happen so I prepared myself for it.  I just mainly reflected over the past year of everything that has happened in my life.  I started to get sad, but what mainly got me through it was that I have been shown so much love from my family and friends, even when I have been at my worst.  I did end up having fun all around, but I won't lie and say I didn't have a pity party for myself at one point. 

Oh, I am also now in a relationship.  HA!  I should probably mention something about that.  He is a very sweet guy.  Unfortunately, he travels a lot for his job, which could be a good or a bad thing.  See, to me, I am trying to turn it in to something where I can learn, grow, and be a better person because of it.  What I have always done is become attached to someone when I am in a relationship.  Now, it's not a bad thing, but it is bad when that person doesn't reciprocate the attachment.  I believe this guy does emotionally, but physically, he can't due to traveling.  But when he is home, he does have the attachment.  So, what is my rambling about?  It is forcing me to become more independent while he is away.  it is forcing me to go back to my hobbies, or find new ones.  I really want to take a few classes, like on glass making, and this may be the excuse that I was looking for.  Also, it is forcing me to not give up on my friends just because I am now in a relationship.  I really do think something good will come out of this, whether we work out or not, but this is a good thing for me.  He is helping me become a better person, whether he knows it or not.

I also celebrated the big 2-4 yesterday.  I was ecstatic to walk in to work and find a pink sock monkey for me, along with a balloon.  I was also given this jar that has an electric butterfly in it, and if you press the top, the butterfly will flap around the jar.  It suffices my ADD needs.  HA!  And, R was incredibly sweet to think of me and give me these gifts.  After work, a few of us went to the Cheesecake Factory for some fabulous food and drinks.  The waiter brought out a cheesecake with my name written.  I almost started to cry because I felt so special.  All I wanted for my birthday was to feel special, and my friends did an amazing job doing it.  We then went to a pub that had Karaoke, and it was AWESOME!  I had so much fun!  I was even serenaded!  HA!  Overall, it was the best birthday I could have ever asked for.

2012 is starting to look like it's going to be a fabulous year.  I look forward to so many opportunities with my friends, my family, my job, and my relationship.  I can't wait to share it all with you.

Cheers!