How's Life?

Wow, I have not written on this blog in such a long time.  So much has happened from the last time I had written to now.

Well, I am in a relationship with a man who is in basic training in the Navy.  So far, we are two weeks in to basic training, but it's been going well overall.  There are times I definitely miss him, and miss hearing his voice, but he wants to serve his country, and I will support him in that.  He also wants to make a future for himself and his future family.  (If I happen to be part of that family, then that's fine, too.)  He wants to be a physician's assistant, that is, if he doesn't go career.  Either way, I am supporting him in his decision, and plus, he made this decision before he met me, so why should he change it because of some girl?  I would not want him to change his plans because of me, just like I would hope he wouldn't want me to change plans for him if it were turned around.  Anyways, I am learning so many things about myself while he is away:  God is always in control.  I can't be in control 100% of the time.  I have to allow God to step in and keep His hand over my SR.  (Sailor)  I have to put my trust in God that He is sovereign in all circumstances.  I have a hard time not being in control, so this has been a big lesson for me, and I praise Him for it.

I was also involved in a car accident over two weeks ago.  I am OK, everyone else is OK, my car is not.  It got totaled recently, and that has been hard.  I didn't get gap insurance, so whatever settlement I have, I'm going to still owe the lien holder a decent amount of money that I don't have.  Again, God is showing me that He is in control of all circumstances, even in the bad ones.  Think about it:  When Job had all of life crumble down around him, Satan had to first gain permission from God in order to test Job's faith.  GOD HAD TO GRANT PERMISSION.  Wow.  Again, the sovereignty of God never ceases to amaze me.

So, that's basically what's been going on in my life in a nutshell.  God is good all the time.

Forever Friends

“For there is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather, to cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen whilst one stands.”
-Christina G. Rossetti

This post is dedicated to my sisters.

I am incredibly blessed with the family that I have, especially with my two older sisters.  Now, I have one sister that is ten years older than I am, and then the other is almost three years older.  I just happen to be the baby.  I do remember that when growing up, I had a harder time connecting with my oldest sister due to the different stages we were at in life.  But, that was a part of growing up.  But then, my other sister, we have been close, but we've also ran in different circles.  We had different friends in high school because she was an athlete and I was the choir geek. 

As I have gotten older, I think back throughout the years of the many experiences that I've had with each sister.  I specifically remember a time in elementary school that I was being bullied by some punk 5th grader, and both of my sisters confronted this punk.  I felt so cool to have older sisters protect me.  I've also grown up seeking their respect and approval.  I've always wanted to make my sisters feel proud to have them call me their sister, just like how proud I am to call them my sisters.  my sisters are my best friends.  We have always said, "There is something about a Stratton girl..."  We always seem to attract trouble where ever we go.  We've had many laughs and many tears.  My sisters are strong, beautiful, women.  They both have over come many obstacles in their lives, and each time, I see them come out stronger in the end.  Each time, they have become an encouragement to me when I see how they become better people.  I see how many lives they have impacted. 

I am proud to have R and A as my sisters.

V-Day

In one week, we are to celebrating a day of love.  Not to be cynical, but Valentine's Day can kinda kiss my butt.  Valentine's Day is the last holiday that I've been worried about when it has come to the winter festivities.  I've made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, my birthday, and now, it has come down to this.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of praying when it has come to V-Day.  It's been a struggle for me, considering that I've never really had a good Valentine's Day ever, of course with the exception as to elementary school when you were essentially forced to give everyone a Valentine's Day card.  See, I've been trying to get in to the mindset on what it could mean to me as a single woman.  I've been so focused upon the hurts of my past that I've been dreading this upcoming love-fest that I've forgotten what true love is about:  It's not about me.  When i am so focused upon myself, I forget what the Bible says about the meaning of true love: 

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails."

"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for his friends."

Can we say, "Guilt trip?"  Yeop.  Why does it have to be about couples?  Is it not a choice to make it just about two people in love?  Can't Valentine's Day apply to all of us, one way or another?  Well, I sure am making that choice!  I am making the choice that Valentine's Day isn't about it.  It will be about showing the people around me the love that God has given to me.  It may be cheesy, but why not go back to the elementary school days where you had a Valentine's Day card to give to them?  Even in the simplest gesture of love, we can make an impact on someone's life. 

I think this will be my best Valentine's Day ever.

The L-Word

“Love is not a place to come and go as we please.  It’s a house we enter in and commit to never leave…to some love is a word that they can fall in to, but when they’re falling out, keeping that word is hard to do.”  Those are to the lyrics of a song that was placed at my wedding for the unity candle.  It’s called, “Love is Not a Fight,” by Warren Barfield.   The song is still on my MP3 player, but every time it has come up, I usually just skip it.  Tonight was actually the first night that I’ve really stopped to listen and assess my feelings about the song.  

See, before tonight, I’ve usually just skipped it because I’ve been afraid of what emotions would surface.  I’ve done the “Christian thing,” and given everything over to God, so then, why would I be afraid to listen to a song that was part of a journey in my life that was supposed to last a lifetime?  Probably because I was afraid I would have to deal with those emotions all over again and start from square one.  

Well, I got courageous, and I sat down to listen to it.  What first inspired me to actually listen to it?  Ironically, it was because I was on a date with someone and we were starting the movie, “Courageous,” and the filmmakers of “Courageous,” made “Fireproof.”  So, those previews came up, and of course, “Love is Not a Fight,” was being played.  When I started to hear the song, I had the immediate instinct to switch to the next song due to my habit on my MP3 player.  So, I just sat there quietly, listening to the portion of the song they had during the previews, and the movie started.  It made me realize that was the most I had listened to that song in over a year.  I tried to quickly assess my feelings, but refocus back on my date.  

So, I am assessing the feelings now.  I actually just pulled it up on Youtube to listen to it.  Here are my feelings when I listen to this song.

• We shouldn’t take love for granted.  It’s something that is special and we shouldn’t just be throwing the L-word left and right around as if it was the most common thing in this world.  (And when I speak about “love,” I don’t mean family/friendship love.  I mean the type of love between two people in that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.)   
• When you say that you love someone, you commit to it.  You are saying that you have realized that it is not about you, but that it is fully about the other person, aside from God being first.  Love is supposed to be self-less, right?  So, see previous statement.    
• Love isn’t about being the one who wins the arguments; it’s about who knows when to let go first.  Some people think that love is just some sort of emotion you have for another person.  I’m sorry, but I find that completely false.  Yes, you do feel certain things for another person when you’re all oogly-googly, but emotions change.  That’s why I firmly believe love is always an action, in that you show love, not just feel it.  

So, what is the point to my rambling?  The song has officially taught me a lesson about love, and I'm OK with it.

I think I'll listen to that song again.

I Feel Morbid

The last 48 hours haven't been the greatest lately.  I've driven on icy roads, which includes doing a complete 360 on the road, and somehow, not going in to a ditch.  I've also been sick with a stomach flu, and that hasn't been fun.  So, now that I've thrown my small pity party, I'm going to go in to what has inspired me the most to write tonight.

I've been talking to a friend and he had a relative pass away.  My heart broke for him when he told me the news.  It made me think about my grandmother passing three years ago.  (Side note:  Where I work, her cemetery is right next to the building.  Slightly creepy.)  I think about how much I miss her.  I think about all of the lives that she has touched throughout her life here on Earth.  As I was also talking to my friend tonight, though it was more like arguing, I also thought about the choices that we have left here. 

Ok, so how does this all tie in together?  Well, I often think about my own funeral.  I think about who would actually show up to pay their respects.  I think about what would be said about me.  I think about the lives that I have touched, or maybe, the ones that I should reach out more to.  Going back to my grandmother, she had so many people from the nursing home come in for the viewing, and it made me proud to be her granddaughter, and to be the one named after her.  And then I think to myself, Am I able to touch as many lives as she had?  The answer?  Yes.  We have a choice every day to touch someone's life.  We have a choice every day to make someone smile.  We have a choice every day to show someone that they are cared for, that they are loved, that they are wanted.  It is a choice.  I am sick of hearing all of these excuses why we don't do this for one another.  Either, we're too busy, or we don't like this person, or what's in it for me?  There shouldn't have to be a reason to extend this grace and love towards others. 

So, what is your choice?

KISS

It has been one heck of a week for me. 

Let's start off with my personal life first.  I ended things with E.  There are a lot of things that went on between us that we realized that things were not going to work out between the two of us. (Note: What I am about to talk about isn't a bash against him, but it does go along with the road to self destruction...I mean, discovery.  HA!)  If there is one thing that I am grateful for when it came to my divorce, it was that I learned real quick on that I need to be a better communicator, especially with how I am feeling and what I need.  Well, heck, you can even thank the first guy I was with for that, too.  But my point?  I know what I want and need in a relationship, and unfortunately, E wasn't able to give me this.  He really is a great guy, but I am realizing more and more what I want and need for my future.  I am happy where I am, and a guy would only add to it, but not be my reason for happiness.

I have also been in training for the last week.  I am back home, and I will say, I am quite proud of what I have accomplished.  There are days that I have felt like I don't know what I am doing at my job, but this week has proven me wrong.  I had to take a few tests, and I hate tests anyways.  I get anxious.  I start to stress.  Then, I tend to psych myself out and not do so well.  Well, this week has shown that I can overcome that.  Someone gave me some great advice.  She told me to KISS:  Keep it simple, sweetie!  I have been so focused on being perfect that I have forgotten that all I need to do is to do my best, and that will be perfect. 

So, here is to a lot of KISSing over the next few months.  I am so proud of what I have accomplished this past week, both in my personal life and professional life.  I look forward to what is to come!

It's Over!!!!

I made it through all of the holidays and my birthday in one piece!

Hallelujah!

It was quite a challenge, especially on New Year's Eve, but I made it through.  There was one point in the night that I did start to feel sorry for myself, and that was at midnight when everyone was loving on each other and I really didn't have someone at my side.  But that's OK.  I knew it was going to happen so I prepared myself for it.  I just mainly reflected over the past year of everything that has happened in my life.  I started to get sad, but what mainly got me through it was that I have been shown so much love from my family and friends, even when I have been at my worst.  I did end up having fun all around, but I won't lie and say I didn't have a pity party for myself at one point. 

Oh, I am also now in a relationship.  HA!  I should probably mention something about that.  He is a very sweet guy.  Unfortunately, he travels a lot for his job, which could be a good or a bad thing.  See, to me, I am trying to turn it in to something where I can learn, grow, and be a better person because of it.  What I have always done is become attached to someone when I am in a relationship.  Now, it's not a bad thing, but it is bad when that person doesn't reciprocate the attachment.  I believe this guy does emotionally, but physically, he can't due to traveling.  But when he is home, he does have the attachment.  So, what is my rambling about?  It is forcing me to become more independent while he is away.  it is forcing me to go back to my hobbies, or find new ones.  I really want to take a few classes, like on glass making, and this may be the excuse that I was looking for.  Also, it is forcing me to not give up on my friends just because I am now in a relationship.  I really do think something good will come out of this, whether we work out or not, but this is a good thing for me.  He is helping me become a better person, whether he knows it or not.

I also celebrated the big 2-4 yesterday.  I was ecstatic to walk in to work and find a pink sock monkey for me, along with a balloon.  I was also given this jar that has an electric butterfly in it, and if you press the top, the butterfly will flap around the jar.  It suffices my ADD needs.  HA!  And, R was incredibly sweet to think of me and give me these gifts.  After work, a few of us went to the Cheesecake Factory for some fabulous food and drinks.  The waiter brought out a cheesecake with my name written.  I almost started to cry because I felt so special.  All I wanted for my birthday was to feel special, and my friends did an amazing job doing it.  We then went to a pub that had Karaoke, and it was AWESOME!  I had so much fun!  I was even serenaded!  HA!  Overall, it was the best birthday I could have ever asked for.

2012 is starting to look like it's going to be a fabulous year.  I look forward to so many opportunities with my friends, my family, my job, and my relationship.  I can't wait to share it all with you.

Cheers!