An Update

Hello all!

I've been writing mainly encouraging posts, but I have yet to write about what is going on in my life.  after all, this blog is about me.  Ha ha.

I am in the week six of my training with my new job.  It has been quite a ride thus far.  I've met some awesome people, and it's been an encouragement to me.  If you actually know me, you know I am a social butterfly, so I am trying to get to know everyone around me.  It's been a challenge since there's 78 of us training.  Either way, I've been blessed.  There is a lot to learn, and not a lot of time left to learn it.  My biggest fear is that I won't have this stuff down by the time training is over.  God is in control, and I know everything will work out in His plan.

Dating.  Oh dear.  Where to begin??  Well, I was seeing someone for about eight weeks, but we recently had to end things due to complications and compatibility issues.  I will say though, I owe this guy a lot.  He taught me how to shoot.  He taught me about some inner strengths I never thought I had.  He showed me that I am a beautiful woman, both inside and out.  He had also taught me that I am deserving of a good guy who will treat me well.  He has also shown me that there are some weaknesses that I need to work on.  Remember that post about being careful with my words?  Yea, you can thank him for that inspiration.  Patience?  Same thing.  Forgiveness?  Yea.  God brings people in our lives for a reason, even if it is just for a season.  I do pray for him every day, just like I pray for my ex, that he would find true happiness in Christ, in that, I hope I planted a seed, and someone else can help make it grow.

Otherwise, I am single, and I am happy.  There are days I will struggle with it, just like I wrote on the post about waiting.  I am not looking forward to the holidays right now, but my prayer is that God will grant me the peace in knowing that my relationship with Christ is the most fulfilling, and I don't need a man during the holidays to make me happy.  That is my goal.  Of course, if someone wants to kiss me at midnight for New Year's, I may not turn it down... Ha ha.  But I will not pursue.  If someone is interested, he needs to pursue me.  (Sorry, gentlemen.  I'm old fashioned.)

A lesson I learned this week:  Respect is given, not earned.  Wait, isn't the saying the other way around?  Well, technically, yes, it is, but are we as Christians supposed to live that way?  Hmmm.  Let's take a look:  We are supposed to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  We are supposed to forgive infinitely.  Anyone who says they love God and not their neighbor is a liar.  Are love and respect the same thing?  They go hand in hand, in my opinion.  Usually, if you love someone, you respect them.  So, why is it that we live in that mind frame if we call ourselves Christians?

I'll go chew on that for a bit.

Wandering

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love."

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, written by Robert Robinson

There is nothing like singing a good hymn on a Sunday morning.  There is also nothing better when you actually read the lyrics of a hymn and get something out of it.  I read through the lyrics of, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing," and realize how good God's grace is to us.  

"Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood."

I was a stranger to God due to my sin; however, Jesus sought me.  Jesus died for me, though I was an enemy of God.  When after accepting Christ as my personal Savior, my heart will "prone to wander."  Again, Jesus seeks after me.  He doesn't want to just leave me.

So Jesus told them this story:  “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it?  (Luke 15:3-4)

But that is not all.  I have to make the choice to turn around my life and go back to God, as well.  It's like the Parable of the Lost Son.

To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.
  “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.
 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’
 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.  His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’
 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet.  And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

 The son realizes what his life has become and chooses to turn back around to his father.  Unfortunately, it had to take him to be eating out of the same feeding stalls as pigs.  Isn't it funny how sometimes, we have to be in the muck and grime of life to realize what it has become in order to get back to God?  Either way, God accepts us back with His arms open. 

"Here's my heart, Oh take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above."

Hypocrites

I very much dislike hypocrites.  I very much dislike those who have standards and then turn around and break their own standards.  I very much dislike when people have these high expectations for others, but then don't hold those same expectations for themselves.

..Oh wait, don't we all do that?  It's so hard for a Christian to declare they are a follower of Christ, and then not have their flaws pointed out so easily.  I am flawed, too.  I mess up.  I am prideful.  I get angry and do things out of my anger.  I will hit below the belt because I don't want to be the only one hurting.  I am flawed.  It's only by my choice and the help of God that can change who I am, though it would be a daily effort. 

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge. 
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

I. Hate. Waiting.

 

I will openly admit it:  I am very impatient.  Now, when I say that I am very impatient, that means, I am very impatient.  I like getting things done right away.  It's funny because I have been organizing getting shirts for my fellow coworkers, and there's 78 of us total.  I had to send out a mass email to see who all was interested in getting a shirt.  I had everything organized, and I will tell you, I am proud of my Excel sheet that I have.  Anyway, people were slowly responding.  It's reminds me of RSVP cards for weddings: You set a deadline when people need to RSVP, but people still don't RSVP by the deadline, and you have to go call those people to get a response.  Yea, I hated doing that for my own wedding. So, here I am, getting frustrated because I need to know answers to get an estimate for the t-shirt costs.

But just look at the before statement.  Sense the tone of it?  Sense the selfishness of it?  I, frustrated, I, need.  Starting to get a better picture here?  It's back to instant gratification for me.  Ugh.  And I do get frustrated with myself because it does affect those around me, especially to whom I love.

I pray for patience all of the time, but God never seems to grant it...

Oh, wait, yes, He does.  He does it by giving us situations to learn what we pray for.  He has been doing a pretty good job of that lately.  I've been struggling lately with the idea of being alone for the holidays.  I no longer have that significant other to be by my side and with our families.  I have found myself crying in the shower because I start to think about it.  (How pathetic is that??)  I don't have the mindset that I need a guy to be happy, but it's always the holidays that can make a girl feel like crap when she doesn't, especially when she is the only one in the room that doesn't have her SO by her side.

I know God is trying to work in me.  I know He is, but I hate how slow the process is.  I cry every time I read this, but I know it's true.  God is telling me to keep waiting on Him, and He is going to do something awesome in my life.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait." 

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. 

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." 

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Awkward Turtle

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just wanted to do the awkward turtle?  If you do not know what I am referring to, please look below:

You essentially whip out the awkward turtle during an awkward moment of conversation, or just an awkward moment period.  I have been getting a lot of those lately at my new job with our "Get to Know You," activities, or just chatting in general.

People get awkward about divorces. 

How do I know?  The tone everything completely changes when you tell someone that you are divorced at 23.  They look at you with confusion, then mumble something, then say that they are sorry.  I look at them, smile, and say, "You didn't cause it.  He did."  Boy, that tends to make them shift uncomfortably.  I just find it so interesting how I am able to talk about my divorce with ease.  I mean, I don't blab it around or anything of that sort.  We were all talking about marriages and the like, and I mentioned something about mine, and people looked at me as if I was a crazy person.  They saw I didn't have a wedding ring on and asked if I was married.  I said, "No, I was, but I am divorced."  Then, they ask how old I am.  "I'm 23."  [insert awkward turtle here.]  People don't know how to handle it that I am so young and divorced already.  Heck, sometimes I wonder how I am handling it as well as I am right now.  But, well, that is what happens when you have an amazing God that I can fully depend on to help me through anything, even during one of the darkest times of my life.

No awkward turtle here.

Sweet as Honey

This saying is hung in my mother's kitchen:

I certainly didn't pray that prayer today.  It was one of those days that I just didn't need to speak.  I am surely reminded of this when I hurt someone I love and care for.  I feel extremely guilty right now because I wasn't thinking at all this afternoon.  I hate it when anger takes control of the tongue.  There are so many verses that I can reference from the Bible when it comes to the tongue.  I will only name a few.


The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.  Proverbs 15:4

Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.  Proverbs 17:28

(I need to remember this next one...)  Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.  Proverbs 21:23

James 3 talks about taming of the tongue:

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?

I think we underestimate the power of the tongue.  The tongue is like a sword, and it can kill a person with its words.  Unhealthy attitudes of anger, irritation, frustration, and impatience—even disappointment, stress, guilt, and insecurity—all contribute to our damaging speech. And as we cut with our words, we wound and divide friendships and relationships.  We need to watch what we say. Gossip and slander are out, and words that hurt instead of heal are not welcome. Boasting, lying, and all the rest of the ways we use words to hurt and divide need to be gone as well. In their place, words that extend love and the healing power of forgiveness, mercy, and truth should rule our words and relationships.

To the person I have hurt today:  I cannot make any excuses for what I have said and how I have hurt you with my words.  I am sorry.

Lord, forgive me where I have faltered.  Help me to guard what I say, even when I am angry.  I want to use my tongue to extend love, forgiveness, mercy, and truth.  Make my words as sweet as honey.

Choosing to Love

Today's sermon was titled, "Choosing to Love."  I have always firmly believed that love was a choice.  If it weren't a choice, then how could it be love?  We are not robots.  We are free-feeling human beings to make choices on emotions, and that why these emotions can be very special.  So, I want to talk about love.

We read about all of these quotes about love to try to describe its meaning.  I often go to thinkexist.com (you're welcome for the free advertising) to find some interesting quotes.  Here is what I have found:

“Trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with.”

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.”

I actually really like the last one.  I can be applied to a few issues I have had this past week.  However, that is not the point of this post.

To find out what I believe love is, I turn to the Truth:  The Bible.  (*gasp* offensive material ahead!)  I will be using my sermon notes from this morning to also help me with this post.  I turn to Mark 12:30-31:

 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  There is no commandment greater than these."

1 Corinthians 13:13:

"Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love."

Galatians 5:14:

"The whole law is made complete in this one command: 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself.'"

As you can see, there is a pattern going on here.  Love must be pretty darn important, according to the Bible, especially to 1) your God, and 2) your neighbor.

But what is Genuine Love?  Genuine love is more than a feeling.  Feelings are always flip-flopped around.  It can change in an instant.  Genuine love is not some uncontrollable force.  (So, the 2nd quote above, you can see that I disagree with because genuine love is a choice, and that can be controlled.)  Genuine love is more than attraction.  We are attracted to what we value.  We can have that physical or mental attraction to someone, but is that what we ultimately value when it comes to love and relationships?

What does the Bible say about love?  First, love is a choice.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  and over all of these virtues on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."  Colossians 3:12-14

Remember in my last post about forgiveness in it being a choice?  It goes for love as well.

Love is something we do. We show love through out actions.  It really astonishes me sometimes how we tell someone that we love them, but our actions speak otherwise.  I know I have lost my temper so many times with the people I say that I love, but losing that temper says otherwise.  Or, when I don't forgive someone of their wrong-doings, I am not showing that I love them. 

Biblical Love: Unconditional, self-sacrificing commitment to help someone become all that God created them to be; and to do all that God planned for them to do.

I want to become a loving person.  I will choose to be patient.  Patience is a calm acceptable for a person at that time.  Christ says, "Come as your are."  We go to Him, scorned, sinful, and wretched.  Now, that is to say, we are to accept that person that they will stay that way.  Remember how we were when we first came to Christ, and how we are now?  I hope that we have all seen changes in our lives, but it has taken time.  Everyone grows at different rates.  Thus, we must be patient. 

I want to become a loving person.  I will choose to be kind.  "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you."  Ephesians 4:32.  Kindness involves caring for someone in the mundane days of life. 

I want to become a loving person.  I will choose to be secure.  To have security in Christ's love is essential.  There is no better feeling.  You choose not to be a victim in life's hardships.  You don't go around blaming everyone else for the trials in your life.  The only way life is fair is that it's unfair to everyone.  But even in the midst of our hardships, knowing that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ brings me perfect peace.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

I want to become a loving person.  I choose to have a servant's heart.  Okay.  Woah.  Time out.  So, you mean, I get to let everyone walk all over me?  No.  Having a servant's heart means that you are not self-seeking.  You invest your life in those around you without expecting anything in return.  You give up your own selfishness in order to become a better person.  Who likes a selfish person?  Who wants to have a selfish heart?  I certainly don't.

I want to become a loving person.  I will choose to go the distance.  I will persevere through life's hardships.  Love always protects, trusts hopes, and always perseveres.

Love never fails.