Right

Doing the right thing will never be the easiest thing to do, but it will always be right.

I should probably listen to that advice sometime...

Idolize

So, this may be just a bunch of meaningless rambles, but I just need to get this out there.

Have you ever had the one person in your life that you have always turned to when in need?  You've had the one person that you have sought out to be the perfect companion that will never fail you?  I hate it when we invest so much in to a person and expect perfection.  Why do we do that?  Why do we expect perfection from imperfect people?  Why are we so surprised and hurt when that special person fails us one way or another?  Why do we get angry about it when we honestly have no right to do that?  Yea, we can get angry over the actions committed, but do we have a right to be angry at that person because they are imperfect beings? 

I guess that's what happens you place a person above your relationship with God.  I keep forgetting (and then being reminded) how I can't keep investing myself fully in other human beings when I need someone there for me.  It's that instant gratification that someone is right there beside you (physically), and things feel automatically better.  But then, when you have invested yourself in that person, and they fail you, we're just so surprised that a human being failed.  How in the world do we keep doing this to ourselves?  Again, instant gratification.  It's harder to trust Someone when they are not in flesh to be with us.  All I do know is that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.  I know He would never fail me. 

I just wished I would trust that more often.

Empty thoughts

Over the course of the last three weeks, there has been someone in my life who has helped me find an inner voice that I never thought I had.  I have been able to muster up some inner strength that I thought didn't even exist.  My friend has helped me realize that it is good to stand up for yourself.

As I have been finding this "strength,"  I have been fighting a battle with myself: How do I know if this "strength" is right or not?  How do I know that this "strength" just isn't anger built up inside from everything that has happened with this divorce?  And again, I think I have talked about this before that I do not want to be the door mat that everyone uses, yet I still want that humility that we are called to have.  Unfortunately, I am not "slow to anger," and that is what worries me about this inner "strength."  I don't want to throw cheap shots when someone makes me angry.  I can seriously be malicious when I am angry.  I don't want to belittle another person when they say something hurtful to me.  It is so hard to find that fine line of standing up for yourself without putting the other person down.  I don't want that.  That is not who I am as a person.  Heck, I don't want to do that to my ex.  Kinda scary, eh?  I guess you've grown when you've realized that not even your ex deserves that kind of disrespect.  Others may disagree, but honestly, it's immature.  I just want to be the bigger person in any sort of relationship in that I don't need to put down another person just so that I don't feel like I am being walked all over.  Again, it goes back to finding that medium, and I guess, finding out what true, righteous anger is about.  I guess there will be a post about that, after some much needed research and sleep.

I guess those are my thoughts for 2:30AM.