Empty thoughts

Over the course of the last three weeks, there has been someone in my life who has helped me find an inner voice that I never thought I had.  I have been able to muster up some inner strength that I thought didn't even exist.  My friend has helped me realize that it is good to stand up for yourself.

As I have been finding this "strength,"  I have been fighting a battle with myself: How do I know if this "strength" is right or not?  How do I know that this "strength" just isn't anger built up inside from everything that has happened with this divorce?  And again, I think I have talked about this before that I do not want to be the door mat that everyone uses, yet I still want that humility that we are called to have.  Unfortunately, I am not "slow to anger," and that is what worries me about this inner "strength."  I don't want to throw cheap shots when someone makes me angry.  I can seriously be malicious when I am angry.  I don't want to belittle another person when they say something hurtful to me.  It is so hard to find that fine line of standing up for yourself without putting the other person down.  I don't want that.  That is not who I am as a person.  Heck, I don't want to do that to my ex.  Kinda scary, eh?  I guess you've grown when you've realized that not even your ex deserves that kind of disrespect.  Others may disagree, but honestly, it's immature.  I just want to be the bigger person in any sort of relationship in that I don't need to put down another person just so that I don't feel like I am being walked all over.  Again, it goes back to finding that medium, and I guess, finding out what true, righteous anger is about.  I guess there will be a post about that, after some much needed research and sleep.

I guess those are my thoughts for 2:30AM.